Dear living room: Did I find it still alive?

Do you vacuum, just like most of your friends do? Well, you could be making a big mistake. Running a tight household includes keeping clutter to a minimum, but more so than you realise,…

Dear living room: Did I find it still alive?

Do you vacuum, just like most of your friends do? Well, you could be making a big mistake. Running a tight household includes keeping clutter to a minimum, but more so than you realise, it can mean allowing or encouraging a horrendous TV vacuum-cleaner attachment to grow in yours. They are a bit like puppies: when they first come out of their mothers and warm up, they’re very cute, but their chewiness soon becomes a thing of considerable sadness. And this one is ruthless – it will attempt to purge, vacuum, scrub and blitz your TV, all without any sort of gentleness or compassion. My initial reaction to this tidying beast was that it should be made illegal, but that strikes me as too harsh – surely it should be legalised? Actually, it should not be.

This specific toothbrush attachment, which works by encouraging the passing transfer of brushes into the air, claims to have helped reduce dust and grease levels by 35% and 3,000% respectively. From the moment you mount it in your ceiling to turn your television into a war machine, all you’re doing is extending the life of that disgusting vacuum cleaner and keeping it sanitised against anything and everything inside your house. All this stuff is going to make you sick. I want you to start dumping it and joining a gym.

In the meantime, show it a smile: it may not be putting out the fires in your house, but it has certainly patted them down.

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